25 May 2014

Crappy come back

*blow the dust*

How’s life? I bet a lot changed in your life right? Because that’s what happened to mine =)

Losing those who were close to me still feel  surreal. The fact that we are not going to celebrate anything together anymore, that we are not going to see each other during reunion simply rip my heart. Some friends got married and the fact that the number of people they have to care for multiplied, I just simply need to back off and just remain friends on the fringe. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m really happy that they are doing fine and living their lives.

Realizing when things change and its not impossible to be happy, is happy enough for me. I'm doing better at work. Yes, it is tiring but its something that I love doing. My circle of friends changed. I got to try new things. I tried Japanese food and still don’t believe I did! Haha.

In fact there are too many good things happened in my life. I don’t even know where to begin to tell. Cousins got married and our family simply flourishes! Cousins gave birth and everybody is deliriously happy. My best friend who is getting married in Nov, said I look slimmer and he simply put my on the cloud 9.

Hello Hafy! Welcome to the world! Hopefully you'll grow healthier each day, wiser, stronger. We promise to try our best to make you happy and safe. Please bear in mind the fact that we love you even before we lay our eyes on you.

With much love,

10 June 2013

Charity drive for a surau

One day my mom told me that her school is collecting donation to build the school’s surau (musolla). Trust me, I can’t believe a Sekolah Kebangsaan does not have a proper surau. They basically make use one of the classrooms. Lay down a mat and a few sejadah. Men and women have to take turns. Thousand of questions ligers in my head, it is totally not a new school, is someone telling me there’s no drive at all to build a surau before? I really feel like badmouthing about their PTA. Breath in, breath out..

My mom was actually asking me to take those documents (as proof) and help in collecting the donation among my friends at work.
However I’m faaaaarrr tooooo shy to do so. At the same time I am truly aware that this is for a good cause. However, at the same time, there are too many scams going around, I’m afraid people might look at me as one of the scams. Mom was upset with my refusal, I think. She turn to my dad straight away and said,

“Abah, let’s donate (RMxx) each month until they have enough fund.”

And my dad agreed! (May Allah bless their heart & soul).

Then it strikes me, if mom and dad could pledge to donate monthly, why not I just join them. So I also pledge to donate certain amount each month until the fund is enough. Deep in my heart I know, my mom won’t be able to use this surau as she’s retiring by the end of this year.

I shared this story with my friends, and most of them said,

“Go to the newly appointed state government and ask for fund. They are filthy rich!”
“ True ar? I thought the previous ruling party was religious? Why don’t you go and ask for their help?”

I felt like I was hit by a huge lightning.
I am really lousy at convincing people.

I calm myself. After a while I think, as much as we refuse to channel our money out, why would we want to ask other people to hand us cold, hard cash? Be it a normal citizen like us, a pauper like me, or even a multi billionaire. At this point I almost give up.

Then, I keep listening to religious talks on youtube. I especially love ceramah given by Ustaz Don on wakaf. Usually after listening to the ceramah, I feel like, does it mean what I have today is a test from Allah? If I could pamper myself with monthly facial treatment, monthly insurance payment, monthly spending on clothes, daily spending on food and once a week spending on fast food, why can’t I cut any of these and channel the money to this surau?

Alhamdulillah, Allah had given me an idea. Mom loves to sell stuff, such as tudung, kain pasang, caftan, kain batik. So last weekend, I followed mom to get some stuff from the wholesaler. I will try to sell kain pakai (used for praying) and caftans (short & long sleeves). I just want to try my luck. I start small, 6-pcs kain pakai, and 6-pcs caftan.
All the profit from selling this stuff will go to the surau of this Sekolah Kebangsaan.

I think it is easier to get money this way than asking people to hand me cash.
I think I can sleep soundly at night doing such thing than go and rob a bank. (How could I think of robbing a bank to build a surau? Pfftt!!)
I think by doing this I will know those strangers at my workplace; the ones I usually exchange smiles only.

I left those stuff I’m selling at the surau of my workplace and during Zuhr prayer I can clearly see I have no business at all. I was down for a while. But I keep chanting, "I believe in God-given rezeki".

Few minutes past 5, one sms came in. An SMS from a stranger called Ainun. She’s my first customer. She bought a long-sleeves caftan!
May Allah bless you Ainun! How I wish I could tell you that I’m doing this for a charity drive. But I have to protect my inner-self at the same time.

If I could, I would want everyone to buy a kain pakai for solat or a caftan from me. If one person buying one, I could help them faster. Buy I think I’m greedier than that. Could you please pray that I have enough strength to continue doing this and it not okay if it takes a longer time to get enough fund, as long as the stuff I’m leaving at the surau of my workplace don’t go missing (we have few cases of this) and can you pls pls pray that my heart won’t go astray.

p/s: I sincerely don’t mean to be riak about this (what’s to riak about? I achieved nothing so far). But if you cannot offer me a good word, a motivation, a stack of cash for the surau, pls at least, offer a prayer for the surau. Thanks!

22 May 2013


Back then during my uni days, I love going to pasar malam with Mimi. I would buy bunch of oranges. I made a vow to eat an orange a day to bust away my skin problem. Since I was an avid buyer, I learned that sweet oranges usually coded with 4013, and sour oranges which usually use to make juice coded qith 4014.

As I graduated, I hardly eat fruits anymore. I  find fruits are too tedious to prepare. I don’t like to peel the skin. I always find junk food is easier, just rip the wrapper open and pop everything inside your mouth.

Last Monday, when I reached office, I saw two oranges on my table and it’s not even Chinese New Year. I knew who gave me those oranges. Must be a friend who will go to fruits section each time she goes to supermarket.

Thanks very much. Do you know that taking enough vitamin C will help to boost your immune system? Therefore it’s a good idea to eat an orange a day. But don’t drag me along, I usually will only eat oranges during CNY hehe.

18 May 2013

To YOU I shall return

I was having sort of a middle-age crisis (not even sure if the term is appropriate). More accurately I was lost. I got so bored (not fed-up) with life. I went to work early in the morning and get back home, showered, had simple dinner, switched on my laptop and started lying on my bed, watching movies and drama series until I doze off. Basically that was my life cycle and over time, I started to feel like a loser.

I tried to do charity work. It was only once, and it was sooo last year. I went to shop with a few orphans for Eid. Still it didn’t give make me content because I was just a volunteer, not the major donor. I still want to do charity work, because I believe reaching out to needy people will make my life content. However, my greater challenge is my laziness. I can’t drag myself to any orphanage to lend my small hands. On weekend, I would be severely dehydrated if I don’t go back to my hometown.

I was thinking of making my life fun, like saving RM2 every day, so I could go to facial, or mani-padi session once a month. I thought it would be perfect ways to bust away my boredom. I was wrong again. Therefore I switched, from going to pamper myself with beauty sessions; I decided to pamper my tummy. There’s still something missing inside me. Especially when people start to boycott McDonald’s and I opted for Burger King; people boycott Starbucks and I chose Coffee Beans.

I started to become depress. I told myself; maybe I should spend my money on good books to cheer me up. I started to think of Cecilia Ahern, Jodi Picoult and anything published by Little Black Dress. I bought several without even giving a second thought. However, those books I bought, their first few pages were not that interesting. I switched again to self-help books. I proudly bring back those books to show my dad, hoping he would pat my back and say, “My big girl, I’m really proud of you!” I was wrong. All my dad said, “That’s good that you begin to read again, but wouldn’t it be better if you could invest in spiritual books, on how to get closer to Allah, how to become a better servant? I would really suggest you to go and find a book tittled ‘Aqidatun Najin’ by Noraine Abu.”

The week after, I bought the book. However, I have difficulties understanding the old text, the way they put their words, it sounds ancient. I complained to my dad, and he suggested me to bring that book, so he could help me understanding it. I did, and it surely helped.

Knowing myself quite well, I started to listen to a few ceramahs by Ustaz Don. He has amazing way delivering his ceramah and he really helps to know Rasulullah better. It hit me real hard when he mentioned about one of the prophet’s saying, “Umatku umpama kelkatu mengelilingi api. Aku pegang baju mereka dan berkata, jangan bertindak begitu, kamu akan terjatuh ke dalam api itu. Ikut lah begini, maka kamu selamat. Jangan jatuh dalam api itu. Tapi kamu tergamak menepis tangan aku yg memegang baju mu dan memilih untuk jatuh ke dalam api itu.”

It come to the thinking, how hard it was for Rasulullah to deliver Islam. He was brutally tortured at Thaif, and Jibrael asked if Rasulullah want Him to lift a hill and hit those people who tortured Rasulullah. With mercy, Rasulullah replied, “No, they don’t know anything.” But we, who have Islam in easiest way, hardly appreciate what we have.

I also read Asma’ blog and found her sister’s amazing video. I was really touch by her narration especially the part she said “From depression I began to wonder, what  is the purpose of my existence, if I’m going to die someday, why do I even need to live? My answer came through a book, a book that I have long abandoned. Could it be even though I h ad given up on God, He never gave up on me.

I am full of flaws. Even though I had read Aqidatun Najin, I still signed up for dancercise class. Alhamdulillah, I went to Korea, a land which taught me hundreds things and opened my eyes real wide. Returning home, I thought I would not go to the dancing class in that particular month because I would have difficulties catching up with work and class. I thought of rejoining the month after. However I came to thinking, Maghrib is almost at 7:30pm, and the trainer cannot tolerate to start a little late, even at 8:15pm. Why should I try too hard to meet the trainer’s call and ignore Allah’s call? So I quit. I switch from dancing to something more meaningful. I will share that later. ^___^


18 April 2013

Happy Birthday Masturah

A friend had been rambling, since we were in Korea, to eat at Ehsan.
 She even sent a proper invitation to 5 of us.
Saying it would be on her, we accepted the invitation in a flash!

Yes, we're (read: I'm) greedy like that.
Don't bother imagining what I looked like when the food came.
Looking back, I'm sure I acted uber primitive.

Breathe in, breathe out, in, and out again.
I keep chanting "Contain yourself colep, the Prophet only eat something near to him."
However this ungrateful best-erd shove her hand and requested for the plate with chilly squid on it, in a split second. The plate was on the other end. Hays attitude! Yes' my attitude is uncontrollable.

After eating, another friend popped open a huge box of cupcakes.
Goodness! I was already bloated!
How could you not tell there will be dessert?!

Stop over reacting colep! Pfftt!!
It was meant for Masturah's birthday.
It was fun small celebration.
I couldn't thank each of them enough for including me in the loop.

Happy birthday Mas.
May God answer all your prayers.
May God grant you and all of us someone who will bring us closer to the Almighty.
God bless you for your kind heart. Hugs!